Day 26: Following the purpose

The night air in Kyoto is warm, and the old Gion district I am in is quiet.  On the street two boys take turns practicing their baseball swing in the narrow street, one tossing badminton birdies to the other as I look on.

Sitting in this warm nights air, leaned up against the guesthouse I am given plenty of time to think and reflect on my purpose here in Japan.

I have met many travellers and told them my goal, to walk from Osaka to Tokyo, and inevitably their next question is "why?!".  They want to know the reason, the purpose for such a goal.

The simplest answer, and certainly an honest one, is that I am seeking the physical challenge and adventure, working to slowly repair 15 years of neglect behind a desk.  But in reality there is more I hope to gain from my time here.

I find myself at a crossroads in my life and career.  Burnt out from my last project, and doubting my value and validity as a Game Designer.  More than that though, questioning how I have shaped myself as a person and if I want to be the person I have become any longer. 

To claim I have found answers would be premature.  However I have found the space to think, and met soneone who has challenged a part of me that I have long struggled with and fueled that introspection.

Some parts of my personality I have struggled with for as long as I can remember.  And even now I am being given chances to confront some of these parts.  Will I learn something new, or understand a better way of being?  It's hard to say.  

Some of these things have been ingrained in me since childhood, built as defense mechanisms to childhood bullies and situations beyond my understanding at the time.  But what I do know is that I am fortunate enough to have the space and time to keep looking at those parts of me, and if not change them, at least better understand why I am the way I am.